Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
