Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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