I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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