even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
