did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
