dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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