i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
