3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
