I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
