I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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