Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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