U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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