i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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