your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
