dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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