I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
