Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
