I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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