My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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