you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
