I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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