So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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