suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
