New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
