It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
