They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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