We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
