Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
