just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
