you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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