where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
