The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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