I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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