i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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