I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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