I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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