Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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