1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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