Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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