I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
