I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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