I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS