the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
