I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.