I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.