i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.