omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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