Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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