Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
