Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
