A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
