found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Two words: blizzard sex
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
