I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
