Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
