well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
