Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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