I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
