Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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