? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My dick has a subreddit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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