he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
