the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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