I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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