I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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