Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
