She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
