This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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