I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
