You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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