It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
