I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
