are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
