ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
