Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
