he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
